I can’t quite put my finger on it exactly, but I can tell you this. I am just plain happy. Happy and motivated and optimistic. I’m letting myself be me and it just doesn’t get better than that! It just doesn’t. This year has started off on a great foot, and almost ten days in I can’t see it changing anytime soon. In fact, I think it can only get better. There were so many things I let pass by the wayside last year because I was either scared or unsure of what people would think. And I felt guilty. A lot. Guilty for letting myself watch too much tv, guilty for sleeping too long, guilty for not keeping up on housework. And then beyond the guilt was the stuff I wanted to do that I just didn’t feel I had the energy or time for. Like scrapbooking, and reading, and cooking good meals (can we say downward spiral?). Let alone the fact that I had started my own business and was scraping every ounce of energy I could spare into getting it going. Don’t get me wrong, the business was, IS making me happy, but I couldn’t put all of myself into it for a variety of reasons. Reasons, maybe more excuses than reasons, but that goes back to that guilt thing…
You would think by now that it would have dawned on me that I am an adult. LOL. I’ve been married for two years, I’ve graduated college, I own a house and a dog! But for some reason I still felt like I wasn’t part of that grown-up world. I couldn’t find a professional job, no offense to those who choose to work retail for life… but that is just not for me, and I guess part of me was just waiting for things to fall into place. Waiting, where was that going to get me? HELLO? Samantha? Wake up and smell the freakin roses (or coffee, maybe)! Things aren’t going to magically happen, I have to make them happen. And I have to take responsibility for them. And all of these things that dawned on me this year, in the last couple months, that I am finally putting into action, led to this….
This Beautiful Feeling I’ve Got.
I was dancing in the shower this morning. Yes, literally dancing, and singing. Singing loudly. The chorus to Kelly Clarkson’s “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes you Stronger.” There is a line in there that says “what doesn’t kill you makes a fighter,” and that is totally what I feel like. I’m a fighter. Fighting for me this year. It is the end of the guilt, because I’m not going to do things that make me feel guilty. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to watch tv, or occasionally sleep too long, but I’m putting things into place that allow me some flexibility. And I am taking the time to do things for me.
Cooking at least one good meal a week!
Going to bed early enough that I can at least read one chapter in my book!
Taking the classes at the gym that don’t only give me a good workout, but make me happy inside, like Zumba and Yoga!
Taking time to just enjoy my husband, and enjoy that he has been my biggest supporter of me being ME, and doing what I really want to do.
So, this week I leave you with me… BEING. Being happy! And motivated and optimistic.
I’ve taken pictures just to enjoy my camera. http://sams365photos.blogspot.com/
I’ve taken Zumba. And Yoga. And Cardio Toning (ouch but great instructor and music)!
I’ve kept the kitchen clean (with a little help from Aaron’s cousin Meagan who is staying with me while Aaron is in China) for over a week.
I’ve organized.
And I’m done with Michaels on Friday, meaning my sleep schedule can go back to something fairly normal.
I’ve become responsible. I’ve become an adult. Scary, but oh so satisfying.
Updates soon. J
xo – Sam
PS.
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